So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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