I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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