I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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