I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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