Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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