We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
