The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
