That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
