Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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