theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
