You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I forgot how hot balto sounded
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
