I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
