I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
