I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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