We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
