So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
