I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
either way he was missing a nipple.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
