i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
