Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
