You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
