Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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