My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
