ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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