we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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