If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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