My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
