Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
