return my video game
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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