her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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