Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
