need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
