That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
