I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
