She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
