I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
