my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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