well I can't set my house on fire every night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
