She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
