i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
