awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
