my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
