can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
