Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
