Porn is love you can see.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
