he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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