Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
