I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
