Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
