He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
