It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
