My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
